Tired
Just back from work. Really disapointing night with J. He was barred last week for throwing stones at others in the centre, and told that it was his choice what he did. He has a nasty habbit of causing trouble when he is barred, and was warned that if he chose to caused trouble he would get a longer barring. He did soo well, (and I was proud of him, I really was) right up to tonight, his last session of his barring. He was a nightmare, between spitting, loud swaring, hitting people, constantly trying to get in, trying burn people with his lighter, and generally demanding the worst type of attention.
J is discribed by many as 'just bad'. Should i accept that. 'He is just bad, and there is nothing that can be done with him, so it's best to give up.' Should we barr him fro life, should we give up on him? No, I guess not. It's not the way Jesus delt with poeple. But what do we do? How can we provide what he needs when he does not want it, and we don't know where to start? And what does he need? Is it love? Is it a kicking? Is it realisation that he is not the most important person in Garvagh? Is it understanding?
I don't know. I feel I have failed him. God, give me strength and wisdom, because I have run out of both.
posted by Mark at 10:53 pm
2 Comments:
Mark,
Thanks for your honesty...it is hard to know how else to comment on your posting.
I feel that I should be saying something along the lines of I've been there too, and don't give up, God is able. All that is true, but I think you don't really need to hear that, in fact I think, from the way your post ended, that this situation has driven you to throw yourself on God - that is much better than anything I can say.
Keep looking to him Mark,
Mark (the other one!)
7:01 pm
It sounds like it's been a hateful situation for you. And I know it's hard to see any positives when you're tired and frustrated and would cheerfully put his head through a wall if it didn't contravene Child Protection Guidelines. But there are small glimmers in what you've said. He's behaved. For the majority of his barring. And thats new. And you've been so proud of him. Tell him that.
Keep doing what you're doing and try not to lose hope and faith in him. Cos chances are that everyone else has already done that to him.
And remember that I still think you're great :)
3:48 pm
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